Heard around the office:
All right. [Pause] I want your blood, Mrs. Benson.
Kristen, how do you want to do Mr. Lyon? Do you want to stick him in his port or stick him in his arm?
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We brought some of my awesome pumpkin oatmeal vegan cookies for the staff and patients. We told the Doc that we brought the cookies and that I had entered a cookie recipe contest.
He asked what organization was sponsoring the contest, and I told him the Food Allergy and Anaphylaxis Network [in partnership with Divvies Bakery]. I explained that the recipe had to be free of eggs, milk products such as butter, and nuts.
When he left the room, we heard him in the hallway saying: Where are these oatmeal cookies I'm hearing about? Supposedly they have no flour, no salt, no fat, no nothing.
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During my exam:
Doc: Next Wednesday I am going to be in Philadelphia for the birth of my new grandchild.
They're going to rip the baby out of her.
If it's a grandson, he's going to have his penis cut off. I'll have to tell him to keep his zipper up.
(Oh, yes, he really said that about the bris)
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